Get In Loser, We’re Going Witch Hunting!
In the fifth issue of Tubi Terror, Malevolent Dark will put a spell on you with the help of three spellbinding films! In our cauldron we will mix the most important ingredients for casting spells. We’ll need herbs, potions, the eyes of fellow horror nerds, and some good old fashioned magick! All that to create some seriously freaky imagery with witch to frighten you! Here are some movies featuring witches on Tubi right now!
The Lords Of Salem (2012)
Hello Salem! My name’s Lord Grimmball! What’s yours? I hope it’s not Heidi Hawthorne because that would make you the most unfortunate radio show DJ in Massachusetts. Heidi Hawthorne (Sherri Moon Zombie) is plagued with haunting visions after hearing a song from a band simply known as “The Lords”.
This unknowingly makes her the target of a group of Satan-worshipping witches, who intend to use her for their own means. If the presence of Sherri Moon Zombie didn’t already give it away, this is a Rob Zombie film. HOWEVER, right off the bat that The Lords Of Salem is nothing like any of Rob Zombie’s previous films.
Before this, all of Rob Zombie’s work was very…country. House Of 1000 Corpses, The Devil’s Rejects, and both of his Halloween films all had a very redneck, foul-mouthed, and grimy feel to them, not that that’s a bad thing. The Lords Of Salem is none of those things. Compared to his other works this film feels like he wanted to try being more artistic and I feel that he succeeded.
This film contains some genuine disturbing imagery and scenes that somehow also feels subtle, until the witches start praising Satan that is. This film makes clear that Rob Zombie actually has a stronger cinematic eye than many give him credit for. I adore all of the nightmare fueling visions, and that weird song that refuses to leave my head.
That sentiment goes double for his wife and her acting. The Baby has grown to become a skilled actress. This is easily Sherri’s best on-screen performance with 3 From Hell being a close second. I also want to praise the opening sequence of this film, it is SUCH a badass opener, though there are no naked dead chicks right off the bat this time. They’re naked, just not dead! So if you’re looking for a metal as hell witch movie with a little less gore than you may have come to expect from our favorite Zombie, then drink the potion of Rob’s most underrated effort.
This is an especially strong entry for movies featuring witches on Tubi.
Also: Rob Zombie has a kick-ass song with a similar name, “Lords Of Salem”!
Hungry Wives/Season of the Witch (1972)
Are you feeling a bit bored right now? Do you feel a devilish sense of dissatisfaction with life? That is how Joan Mitchell (Jan White) felt before she finds a way to alleviate her boredom. She simply decides to go out on a nice pleasant walk, returns home, and takes a nice nap…Or she does what actually happens in the film. Joan gets freaked out by some weird stuff, suddenly finds a book titled, “To Be A Witch: A Primer,” and then, WITCHCRAFT!
A housewife hungry for excitement and trapped in a loveless marriage, Joan longs for an escape from her mundane reality. That when Joan discovers and quickly develops a fascination with witchcraft… Until she becomes an actual witch. Joan soon begins to realize that her spells are actually having an affect on her reality. And she couldn’t be happier.
George A. Romero ( Night Of The Living Dead, Creepshow, etc.) carefully constructed Joan’s reality to be as miserable, yet as grimly relatable as possible. At home she’s powerless against not only her unloving and abusive husband, but also her distant teenage daughter as well. I personally feel that is the strongest part of George’s spell.
The weakest part for me personally is the pacing. Even after drinking the potion, the film’s spell took well over 30 minutes to kick in. The ride to get to the good part is a bit dull, but not unenjoyable. The performances are solid, but not breathtaking.
With all that being said, if you so happen be be a hungry viewer looking for a witch that you can possibly relate to, you may just find your match in Joan. Just don’t lose your grip on reality.
Häxan: Witchcraft Through The Ages (1922)
For a legendary film over a century old, I sure don’t hear much talk about it around these parts. In 2024, we had a reimagining of another 1922 horror classic, Nosferatu. While the original classic film has earned a great and formidable reputation as one if the all-time greatest, Häxan absolutely deserves to be mentioned in the same breath.
This is a Swedish silent film that centers around, you guessed it, the Salem Witch Trials. This is what I would call a “mockumentary” of said witch trials. This is also an anthology film which tells the tales of witches creating love potions, a corrupt priest calling for a “witches” head, and a full-blown satanic sabbath! This is the perfect film for a halloween night. Think of this film as a witch-centered Trick r’ Treat made back in the 1920s.
The imagery of this film, may be amongst they best I have ever witnessed. It is genuinely creepy, even to this day. If any film will show you that truly great practical effects will never age poorly, this is the PRIME example. From those who dare to speak of this film, it is often described as a surrealist portrayal of witchcraft, christianity, satanism, and other occult themes.
The description I just presented to you all is accurate, but also, not nearly enough to capture everything about what I would consider a masterpiece of a brewing from director Benjamin Christensen. For all ghouls and goblins who wish to witness the ultimate witch movie, you need look no further. Travel to the Middle Ages and let this film work it’s witchy magick on your fragile little soul.
The Wrap
While there are usually several movies featuring witches on Tubi, these three offer a pretty wide range of styles, era and content. Let us know in the comments what you favorites are.
One Response
Very creative and visually pleasing writing style from LordGrimball, love the name