CUBE (1997) – Drunken Monkey Movie Review

Here we go again! Thank the gods for Tubi. If not for that beautiful streaming service, I would have completely forgotten about this franchise. I only have a fleeting memory of the second film because one of the actors is Geraint Wynn-Davies, who starred as everyone’s favorite Canadian vampire-turned-homicide-detective from the 1990s television show, Forever Knight.

And if you don’t know him or that show… you’re lucky I’m too drunk to take a swing at you right now.

But let’s get this series review started. We begin with the 1997 original film, Cube.

NOTE: As my editor is currently preparing her doomsday bunker in anticipation of an alien invasion, I may let some spoilers fly.

Cube (1997) – Kiddie Building Blocks

One of the great things about this flick, and I assume the entire series, is that the premise is super straight forward. A group of strangers wake up in a giant cube that’s part of a bigger cube maze, and must work together to find a way through the hidden, deadly booby traps to escape.

(heh, you said booby)

And the opening scene, before we even get the title card or credits, is one of these people waking up alone and puzzling out his surroundings. Within mere minutes, he makes it through two openings and is IMMEDIATELY sliced and diced like salami for an antipasto salad.

Hell of a start!

We then get to meet the main characters for the rest of the film. Well, mostly. Holloway is a doctor. Worth is a simple office worker. Renne is the sensor expert. Quentin is a cop. And Leaven is a math student (I’m assuming college because even the 90s wouldn’t have a movie with a minor in such a predicament…right?)

None of them know how they got inside the cube but in order to move forward, they gotta work together using each other’s strengths and abilities. Renne knows that the cubes are trapped, so he devises the old boot on a shoelace trick to set off the motion detectors. Unfortunately, not all the traps are set off that way and Renne gets a face full of acid.

And I DO mean that literally.

They do get another team member to replace Renne in the form of an autistic man named Kazan. With having to worry about his stress, and realizing they have no food or water, desperation ramps up the tension real quick.

Everyone has an idea about what’s going on. Holloway thinks this whole place is a government facility; Quentin thinks they’ve been trapped by a bunch of rich people for entertainment. Turns out it’s hella worse. Worth, the office guy? Well, he sat in an office all right—while designing the shell that goes on the outside of this giant maze called the Cube.

(roll credits)

He doesn’t know any details about all the little cubes on the inside so he feels the whole project was abandoned and there’s no one out there to save them, even if they do manage to escape. But part of what he doesn’t know is the series of numbers engraved on the outside of each little cube. The math whiz, Leaven, figures out they’re grid coordinates! The little cubes that make up the big maze are all on a grid. With the help of Kazan, they can calculate their exact location and find the one “off number” cube that indicates the bridge to exit the maze and get to the shell.

I was told there would be no math involved. WTH.

And wouldn’t you know, they do actually reach the shell! This is, after they figure out the cubes inside the shell shift from time to time and the irony is, if they’d all just stayed in the original small cube, they would have reached the bridge eventually. But, if they’d never ventured out, they may never have discovered all the secrets and puzzles and clues about how to get to the bridge so…in your face, movie!

Anyway, Holloway agrees to hang outside the door, while attached to a makeshift rope, for a reconnaissance mission. Seems pretty empty out there and when the cubes shift again, she nearly falls into the void after everyone loses their grip on the rope, except Quentin. And did I mention? He and Holloway had a HUGE fight earlier and traded some nasty, though spot-on, barbs at each other, which is extra bad because Quentin is losing his grip on reality. Big time.

I didn’t? Well, consider yourself informed. And with this new info, can you guess what happens to Holloway?

At this point, Quentin basically steals Leaven away from Worth and Kazan but they all manage to beat the shit out of him and get back to the cube that connects to the bridge. Then just as they can escape, Kazan kinda shuts down in a panic. As they try to help him, Quentin bursts in and stabs Leaven through the heart.

Worth, who never wanted to escape back to the Boundless Human Stupidity™ that’s out in the real world, shoves Kazan to the exit and grapples with Quentin to keep that psycho from escaping. By holding him halfway out the door where he gets SMOOSHED in the next cube shift, FYI. And Kazan, nervously, crosses the bridge alone and into the light.

FUUUUUUUUCK YES!

Graduate to Erector (heh) Set

I am not going to lie to you people. I was on the edge of my fucking seat during the climax of this flick. For a cheeseball, dated, low-budget horror production, it doesn’t happen often that the viewer invests so much into the story and characters. Most low budget films are crap in many aspects (no shade – I love the majority of them) but as long as they’re entertaining, that’s what matters. And shit, was this one entertaining.

From the minute the no-named character (veteran character actor Julian Richings) wakes up alone at the beginning to the crazy twists and turns of the story to the non-ending ending, this movie does a great job at building tension and even developing characters, albeit walking tropes. There’s a natural implosion circuit built into most group dynamics even without the life threatening aspects of the cube. And even as the story winds down familiar or predictable paths, the journey is still fun.

Every time Leaven thinks she’s figured out the number sequence, the group is thrown for a loop. Every time the group is thrown for a loop, a character starts to lose their grip. Every time a character loses their grip, the viewer is put into a state of anxiety as we bite our fingernails to the quick wondering who’s going to die next and how.

Speaking of deaths, while the cube traps themselves have pretty crappy and dated CGI, the resulting injuries are practical f/x and look super realistic. The best one being, IMHO, Renne’s death by a face full of acid. I literally typed, “holy cats his face is gone” in my notes. Even the simple slices to flesh from CGI razor wire or cuts and bruises from fist fights, everything presents very real. Kudos to the special effects team!

I do feel I need to mention one particular scene that probably owes most of its success to the post-production sound team. One of the cubes is trapped with sound activation. So as the group crosses from one door to the other, they have to be COMPLETELY silent. And fuck if this scene wasn’t that.

I don’t even understand how they could get it that quiet! Even if you haven’t worked on a movie set, I highly doubt, even after the director calls action, would it be 100% silent. Just the actors moving from one mark to another, the slight shuffling steps of the boom mic operator, or the gliding of the camera is going to make some kind of noise. But the absolute silence of this scene was so well done, I literally clenched my butt cheeks while watching each character move through it.

More kudos but to the sound team this time!

Now that I’m thinking of it, I don’t have a lot of shit talk to share about this movie. I went in thinking I wouldn’t really like it that much–that it would be poorly directed and acted and developed in every way—but I’m quite pleased to report that the only aspect (aside from the CGI) that stood out enough for me to still remember while I’m typing this is the acting. Or the overacting, to be precise.

Nearly everyone acting in this absolutely DEMOLISHED the scenery around them. When I say these people were scene chewers, I mean this was a herd of dairy cows trying to fill all four compartments of their ruminant stomachs at the same time! Holloway (Nicky Guadagni) from her constant soapboxing; Quentin (Maurice Dean Wint) from his metaphorical straight jacket; Leaven (Nicole De Boer) from behind her mathematician glasses. The only two that didn’t overdo it were Worth (David Hewlett) and Kazan (Andrew Miller). Though, to be fair, Kazan’s autism left him 95% non-verbal through the whole movie.

Honestly, Worth was my favorite, not just because of the actor behind him, but his humor and cynicism were sooooo relatable.

You Survived Inspection

So, overall, I have to say Cube is a solid horror film from the late nineties. (Funny note: I made the Forever Knight joke at the beginning but this flick is ALSO Canadian, even though the director, Vincenzo Natali, is from Detroit, MI – Woo, fellow Michigander.) Aside from the weak digital effects and overdone acting, I highly recommend a trip into this deadly maze. Do you think YOU would have made it out alive?

4 margs (out of 5)